Random Word IshiHime Prompts
by LoLoGreeneVines
Summary: An assortment of fluffy IshiHime ficlets prompted by Wiktionary's "random entry" button. Not chronological or in any sort of order. Chapter 18: "Laconic" - Communicating something big doesn't necessarily take a lot of words.
1. Hyperesthetic

**Author's notes: I wanted to write something for Orihime's birthday today, but I couldn't think of anything appropriate and I just haven't been able to write anything longer than a few hundred words recently. So, I headed off to Wiktionary's "random entry" button and wrote an IshiHime ficlet for the first English word it threw at me. It was surprisingly fun, I might have to do more of these. :D**

**Chapter warnings: Be careful not to choke on the fluff in this one. I can't perform CPR through the internet.**

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_Hyperesthetic_

* * *

Orihime always wondered why Uryu never took his shoes off.

She supposed it didn't particularly matter; he walked so carefully it wasn't like he was wearing her floors out, and he had a knack for somehow navigating even the muddiest field without getting so much as a speck of dirt on them, so he never trudged the smallest sliver of dust into her carpet. Perhaps, she mused, he had some fabulous Quincy technique he used to keep his abundance of white clothes clean.

Still, Orihime was curious, so one day she asked him.

"Why do you never take your shoes off, Uryu?"

Uryu's eyes widened as he regarded Orihime. "I'm sorry. Does it bother you?"

Orihime shook her head. "Not at all! I was just curious."

"Ah."

Examining Uryu's wary expression and the tell-tale twitching of toes curling inside his shoes, Orihime came to a conclusion and broke into a smirk. She launched herself across the floor and pinned Uryu down by his shoulders, turning her back on him as she sat on his chest and began forcibly removing his shoes. Uryu squirmed underneath her, attempting to plant his feet firmly on the ground so she couldn't slip them off, but ultimately he failed. Despite her small stature, Orihime really was remarkably strong.

Orihime grinned as she dangled Uryu's shoes above his face. "You're ticklish, aren't you?"

"No."

He refused to meet her eyes.

Tossing away his shoes, Orihime pounced on his feet, her smile growing wider as even the lightest brush of her finger against his white socks elicited a fit of giggles.

"Not ticklish, eh? I think you're lying to me!"

Uryu's protests increased in volume as Orihime tickled him harder, and he wriggled and writhed as he tried to gently prise her from his torso without reflexively kicking her in the face. Orihime laughed herself as she continued to assault his curling metatarsals, noticing how his face was becoming redder and redder with each surprisingly undignified peal of laughter.

Eventually, Orihime took pity on him and let go of his feet, only for him to immediately respond by seizing her waist, pulling her sideways until she toppled to the floor herself, and proceeding to tickle her ribcage until she curled up into a giggling ball.

_Oh well_, Orihime thought as she collapsed into hysterical laughter. _I guess I deserved that._


	2. Clampable

**Author's notes: I wrote another one! Yep, I'm going to attempt to write a ficlet for every English prompt-word Wiktionary gives me. I do love a challenge. ^_^**

**Chapter warnings: Um. Don't try this at home, kids. Or at school.**

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_Clampable_

* * *

Misato Ochi was terribly bored. Bored of filling in for absent teachers, bored of the stupid woodwork equipment she had only the vaguest idea of how to use, and bored of Uryu Ishida taking every excuse he could to leave the workbench he was sharing with Orihime Inoue.

_Honestly. Boys..._

Misato began a slow patrol of the workshop, showing Rukia Kuchiki how to tie a bow for her wooden bunny, prising an unnecessarily large electric drill from Ichigo Kurosaki's grip, and feigning sympathy when Keigo Asano managed to behead whatever his own project was supposed to be, before coming across Ishida and Inoue's desk.

_She's talking to you, Ishida. You should make eye-contact. Heaven knows you spend enough time looking at her when she's not paying you any attention._

"Ah, Miss Ochi!" Inoue exclaimed, wheeling around just as Ishida set his eyes on the young girl. _Great timing, kid._

"Do you need any help using your clamp?" Misato asked, as Ishida began to look away towards the desk in the corner containing the class' supply of wood. _Oh no you don't..._

Without even waiting for an answer, Misato grabbed a large metal clamp and slammed it down as precisely as she could over the side of the table, winding up the screw with fierce abandon before either student could react. When the screw wouldn't go any tighter, Misato gave an enormous sneeze and bent the screw sideways, effectively clamping Ishida's tie steadfastly to the desk.

"Whoops!" she cried, as Inoue's mouth gaped open and Ishida glared frostily.

"Miss Ochi," he said, through his teeth. "What do you propose I do if there's a fire?"

_Ooookies, I may not have thought this one through._

Fortunately for Misato, rescue came at that moment in the form of Asano severing his soldering iron wire with a pair of pliers.

"_Miss Ochi_!" he wailed, as a puff of smoke rose towards the ceiling.

Misato flashed Ishida and Inoue a grin. "Well, I need to go and make sure Asano doesn't die. Inoue, help Ishida."

And with that, she escaped, giving herself a pat on the back as she watched a furiously blushing Ishida actually making eye-contact with Inoue as she scrabbled to undo his tie at the neck.


	3. Entertainer

**Chapter warnings: A terrible joke. (And possibly _very_ mild tsundere-ness from Orihime? I don't even know.)**

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_Entertainer_

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Uryu had to admit it, Orihime's comedy routine was pretty good. He always loved to listen to her speaking, and even though the rakugo routines she had picked up from her extensive DVD collection were wearing a bit thin and he would be completely happy to never hear another rendition of Manju Kowai, her jokes were nothing short of brilliant, even if she didn't always think them through.

"Hey, Uryu, why did the chicken cross the road?"

"I don't know."

"To get to the idiot's house!"

Uryu frowned. Usually her punchlines were better...

"Knock knock!" she continued.

"Who's there?"

Orihime beamed. "The chicken!"

Uryu blinked as she dissolved into giggles, before giving a soft laugh himself and patting her fondly on the head. "In case you had forgotten, Ishida Orihime, you live here too."


	4. Boltlike

**Chapter warnings: Nah, this one's completely safe. Again, don't choke on the fluff.**

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_Boltlike  
_

* * *

If you were to ask him exactly when it happened, and he felt like talking, you'd get a different answer every time.

"It was when I first joined the sewing club and she went out of her way to include me."

"It was in the Soul Society when she cried over our dead enemies, and I realised how kind she is."

"It was in Hueco Mundo when I seriously entertained the possibility of her not surviving and realised just how much worse off the world would be without her."

"It was the first time I ever laid eyes on her."

In truth, he didn't know.

She, on the other hand, knew exactly when she had fallen for him; the epiphany that the knight-in-shining-armour she had been daydreaming about for years existed in her friend had hit her with such force one day that she doubted she would ever forget the moment of realisation.


	5. Mythomane

**Chapter warnings: This one is definitely a "T" for some of Keigo's false implications.**

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_Mythomane_

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Ichigo entered the classroom several minutes early, immediately confused by the fact that the oft-ignored Keigo had perched himself precariously on his desk and had somehow managed to draw a crowd of the early-arrivers.

"And _then_," Keigo's raucous wail exclaimed over the crowd's heads, "he started to undress her right there in the hall in the middle of Ichigo's party! Can you believe it?"

_Ah_, thought Ichigo. So this was the old news that Uryu had been known to have civil conversations with Orihime in public, and, as per usual, Keigo was spinning the truth into something completely unrecognisable.

"He took her coat because it was warm inside," Ichigo responded, drawing the crowd's attention and prompting a yelp from Keigo.

"Ah, but they looked like they were getting awfully close when they were dancing!"

"The room was crowded, and he wasn't actually dancing," yawned Ichigo. "He was fidgeting because he's about as socially adept as a rusty teaspoon."

Keigo's eyes narrowed conspiratorially, despite the fact that everybody was listening. "Orihime _kissed_ him!"

"On the cheek. She's a friendly person, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Ichigo, you're not helping my case, buddy!" whinged Keigo, tapping a foot impatiently on the wooden desk. "Okay, how's this: _Uryu Ishida went home with Orihime Inoue that evening_."

"And just what might you be implying?" asked an icy voice, and Ichigo felt a blast of freezing arctic air entering the classroom along with a particularly irate Uryu Ishida, who was staring daggers at Keigo from the door.

Keigo blinked, seemingly oblivious to the room's atmospheric temperature appearing to drop alarmingly close to absolute zero. "Um, that you and Orihime _did it_."

Ichigo could have sworn that in the foreboding silence that permeated the classroom with a thick blanket of awkwardness, he could hear every neuron in Uryu's brain firing up in indignation.

"I walked her to her door, because it was dark, and I left without setting a single foot beyond her doorstep," Uryu hissed, his left hand twitching as though it longed to reflexively pull back a bowstring.

Keigo grinned slyly. "Ah, but what did you do _on_ the doorstep?"

Ichigo would have called Keigo and his ridiculous fantasies off at this point, were it not for the fact that Uryu's ordinarily porcelain complexion had taken on a distinct pink hue.

Well, _this_ was a new development.

"_I knew it!_" Keigo screamed triumphantly, losing his balance and toppling off the desk as the crowd dissolved into chatter and Ichigo raised an eyebrow, making eye-contact with his thoroughly-embarrassed cousin.

"Not a word," Uryu uttered threateningly, his Quincy cross glinting from his wrist.

Ichigo smirked. "Hey, it's not my business if you choose not to kiss and tell."

Uryu winced. "Shut up, Ichigo."


	6. Taradiddle

**Author's notes: Another vaguely lie-related ficlet, apparently. Oh well, I quite enjoyed writing this one, too. :) I just had to publish something for Uryu's birthday today, so I quickly wrote this and the next chapter.**

**As always, many thanks to all who have read/reviewed/favourited/alerted. You keep me writing, friends. ^_^**

* * *

Uryu glanced sideways from his meagre lunch, watching Orihime across the roof out of the corner of his eye as he had made an habit of doing. Some days, he would swallow his embarrassment and go to sit next to her, but today his closest friend's _other_ friends had got there first, and, truth be told, he was a little nervous of them, so he sat alone as usual and contented himself with watching. And that was fine; there was no need for him to inflict his presence on her all the time. He knew perfectly well that she had friends other than him.

Suddenly becoming aware that Tatsuki's narrowed eyes were on him, Uryu hastily returned to his lunch, but a giggle from Michiru and a small exclamation from Mahana drew his attention back sharply to the girls.

Chancing a peek at them from behind his fringe, he spotted Orihime regarding him curiously, a trace of doubt clouding her thoughtful expression, but then he realised that Tatsuki's glare could have burned through metal, and both Michiru and Mahana were looking at him gleefully, as though he had become a veritable fountain of gossip. Even the stoic, brainy Ryo, who was usually immune to such trifles as petty rumours, was quirking an eyebrow at him in interest. Just what _had_ they been talking about?

Uryu's blood ran cold as he briefly entertained the notion that they _knew_. This was enforced somewhat when Orihime turned her attention back to Tatsuki and shook her head, a small frown drawing her neat eyebrows together as Mahana gave another silly giggle.

Before Uryu could process what was happening, Orihime had risen to her feet, pouted briefly at her female friends, and started to walk over to him.

Oh, hell.

"Hi, Uryu!" she called, bouncing over to him.

Uryu swallowed his mouthful of rice. "Good afternoon, Orihime."

She smiled, looming over him as she came to an halt before him. "You know, you can come and sit with us if you like. I know you were watching us."

His mouth suddenly felt dry, and he set down his chopsticks warily as he looked up at her beautiful face. "Ah, no, that's okay. I just thought you looked like you were having fun, and, if I'm completely honest, Tatsuki scares me a bit."

Orihime's smile widened as she took half a step closer, leaning forwards conspiratorially and lowering her voice. "She thinks you might have a small crush on me. That's not it, is it?"

Uryu gaped at her. How was he supposed to answer that? '_Orihime, I have been in love with you for years_'? That would have been the truth, but he certainly wasn't ready to tell her the truth yet. She didn't need to know.

He forced a smile. "No, that's not it."

Orihime clapped her hands together, straightening up and flattening her skirt with dainty fingers. "I didn't think so. I'd better go and tell the girls they're wrong, or they might tell somebody and then the whole school might get the wrong impression! I'll see you in maths," she said, brightly, and as she walked away Uryu immediately felt guilty for not being completely honest.

At least it wasn't a lie. Not _really_.


	7. Iambic

**Author's notes: Holy crap a sonnet. Welp. This one's from Uryu's point-of-view, because apparently it has become an headcanon of mine that he's secretly awesome at poetry (see Fridge Notes). But yes I wrote this one in five minutes just after having woken up so don't expect too much. It's just what the prompt made me think of. :)**

**Chapter warnings for ridiculous clichés.**

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How long has it been since we met, my love?

When you tripped and fell over in the hall

I offered you my hand to help you up

But you didn't notice me, no, not at all.

How long has it been since I fell, my love?

Sinking deeper and deeper like a stone

You didn't realise, you flew like a dove

And I clung to your buoyancy alone.

How long has it been since you saw, my love?

That your future would be better with me

I'd hold your hand, it would fit like a glove

The chains would fall off and we would be free.

But although it took you aeons of time

I'm pleased to say now I can call you mine.


	8. Deiform

**Author's notes: This one is more "eh there's a vague link between the subject and the actual prompt". Meh. It's just what the word made me think of.**

**Warnings for a potential lack of canon-complicity, depending on what Kubo-sensei writes in the future. Also the fact that this reads like a small section of a longer fanfic. :)**

* * *

_Deiform_

* * *

Uryu stepped forwards, carefully picking his way through the rubble which had previously housed the Zero Division and averting his eyes from the carnage of dismembered corpses strewn around the debris.

His name fell from Orihime's lips tentatively as he stopped, about ten metres away from her, Ichigo, and Chad, and although a brief flash of uneasiness illuminated his face at the sound of her voice, this time he didn't meet her gaze. His attention was focused singularly on Ichigo.

"There's no other way," he whispered, terrified, as his eyes fluttered shut behind his glasses and his entire being began to glow with a pure, blinding white light.

Ichigo gasped, his face registering complete shock. "Uryu, what the_ hell_ are you doing?"

Uryu's only response was to shine even more brightly.

Sighing in resignation, Orihime found that somehow, she knew the truth. "He's going Vollstandig."

Sure enough, the glowing figure of Uryu suddenly sprouted wings, metres across from end to end and covered in downy white feathers which looked softer and more delicate, more fragile than any you could find on a fluffy baby bird. A ring of golden light danced around his head, like an halo, or a crown, and his bow shone like the birthday card Orihime had made for her brother as an overzealous five-year-old armed with a box full of sparkly pens and glitter glue.

Uryu looked positively angelic, and in that moment Orihime didn't think she had ever seen anything as beautiful as he was.


	9. Faceplant

**Author's notes: This one's a funny! Hee hee. :D I hope it gives you a warm and fuzzy.**

**As always, reviewers, favouriters, alerters and lurkers: thank you. You're awesome. :D**

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_Faceplant_

* * *

He still didn't know quite what made him do it.

Perhaps it had been the bump he had taken to his head clouding his judgement. Perhaps it was the fact that after having tripped over his own feet in the corridor in front of the entire class and landing on his nose, he had reached the limit of how embarrassed it was theoretically possible to be. Perhaps it was simply the fact that her beautiful face was suddenly level with his as she had dropped to her knees, holding out his glasses as she peered into his dazed eyes with concern and asked if he was okay.

No, he simply could not work out precisely what had possessed him to lean forward and kiss her.

He found it even more difficult to comprehend why she had let him.


	10. Frigid

**Author's notes: Again, thank you for your feedback. Have another funny. :D**

**Warnings: Nothing of note. If previous chapters haven't caused you to spontaneously contract diabetes, you're probably safe. :)**

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_Frigid_

* * *

Orihime was having about the most fun she had ever had.

Having spent the evening being led around by Uryu, first to the craft shop, then to a restaurant, and now for a walk along by the river, she was pleased to note that so far she had managed to refrain from making a complete idiot of herself, and her companion - no, _date_, she reminded herself - seemed to be enjoying her company as much as she was enjoying his.

After having rounded a corner and seeing the full moon hanging in the dusky pink evening sky, its image doubled by its reflection on the violet river, Orihime gasped in delight. "Ooh, it's so pretty!"

"Yeah," said Uryu, vaguely, and she turned her head to see that he was smiling self-consciously at her.

Suddenly, a small flash of white over his shoulder grabbed her attention, and she stared past him. "Is it... snowing?" she wondered, frowning as another white flake danced in the breeze behind Uryu's head.

He looked confused for a second, before his mouth set in a firm line and his glasses flashed. "It's July, it had better not be," he muttered, his eyes moving rapidly behind his glasses as he scanned the surrounding area, his gaze lingering on the trees on the other side of the river.

"It is," Orihime confirmed, as the flakes became gentle flurries and the flurries began swirling around them like a miniature tornado. _How odd_.

Uryu blinked. "Come on," he finally said, taking her hand and turning away from the river, not quite managing to disguise an eye-roll as he began briskly leading her away. "It's probably time I walked you home."

* * *

"What did you _do_?"

Rukia glanced up from her manga, her eyes widening as Ichigo stomped into his room, and gave him an expression which she hoped made her look the picture of innocence.

"I've been reading my tankobon," she said, airily.

"I meant yesterday evening," he clarified, raising an eyebrow.

Rukia stroked her imaginary beard. "Yesterday... yesterday..."

Ichigo's expression screamed unimpressed. "I'll give you a clue. Uryu pulled me aside after school and asked me to keep you on a lead the next time he takes Orihime on a date."

Rukia smirked. "Oh yeah, their date!" she exclaimed, letting a small laugh escape her. "I just helped them a bit by adding a touch of romance to the atmosphere."

"By which you mean you triggered a freak meteorological occurrence," he guessed.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Ichigo pressed his lips together, clearly fighting to keep himself from smiling. "Uryu wasn't impressed," he grumped.

She grinned slyly. "You're just mad because I didn't invite you along to spy on them, aren't you?"

Ichigo pouted, his eyebrows drawn in so far above the bridge of his nose Rukia couldn't help but laugh.

"Fine, you can come with me next time. You can play Cupid and shoot arrows at them or something."

He finally gave in, exhaling forcefully in laughter. "Oh, I'm sure he'd appreciate that."


	11. Rubricate

It wasn't every day Orihime woke up and walked into her daughter's room to find that the walls had been scrawled on...

Oh, who was she kidding? It _was_ every day. Or it may as well have been.

"Tatsuki," Orihime murmured to the 'sleeping' form of the toddler huddled up under the duvet. "I know you're awake. When did you do this?"

There was a small giggle from the bed, and Orihime sat down next to the covered lump as her husband walked into the room, yawning, his white pyjamas rumpled and his sleep-heavy eyes unobscured by his glasses.

"What's going... oh, no..."

Uryu's eyes widened in shock as his gaze fell on the red crayon marks marring the sky-blue wallpaper, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, before striding back out of the room, presumably to gather himself.

Orihime gently poked the laughing lump next to her, and a small, dark-haired head appeared, blinking enormous blue eyes at her.

"I don't think daddy's happy, Tatsuki," she warned, wagging a finger in reprimand before tapping her daughter lightly on the nose.

The little girl drew her eyebrows together as her bottom lip protruded in a pout. "Daddy's _never_ happy in the morning."

"Well, no..."

"So I wanted to make him happy by drawing him!" she elucidated, as Uryu trudged back into the room, blinking blearily as he put his glasses on and frowned at the vaguely person-shaped scribbles on the wall again.

"Tatsuki," he said, as calmly as he could manage, although Orihime could still detect a distinct note of disapproval in his voice. "I love you, and I know you're going to make a brilliant artist one day, but we're really going to have to have words about your choice of colour schemes. Scarlet on sky-blue? I don't think so."

* * *

**Author's notes: I don't know, I just always thought that Tatsuki would be the perfect IshiHime daughter name. It takes the dragon kanji from Uryu's (and Ryuken's) name, which is an Ishida thing, and the "ki" kanji means "happy" (if I remember correctly), which is Orihime all over. I can just see them naming their kid after Tatsuki, especially if it happened to be born with Uryu's dark hair and blue eyes, which coincidentally happens to be Tatsuki Arisawa's colouring. *Cue insane barely-serious Tatsuki is River Song crack-crossover-theories***


	12. Put the Moves On

**Author's notes: This is the longest ficlet so far in this collection. I just had far too much fun writing it and it just kept on getting longer and longer. But yes, I thought the idea of "putting the moves on" somebody was very unlike these two very proper and traditional characters, so the only solution I could come up with was to get one of them drunk. Now, I don't have very much experience with alcohol, having never consumed any (even though I legally could have at any point in the last three and an half years, it just doesn't appeal to me) and having friends who largely don't drink very much, but I did once attend a friend's hen do which ended with said bride-to-be brandishing a watering-can for reasons best known to her(drunk)self.**

**As always, my thanks to reviewers, favouriters and alerters. Could you put your hand to the screen or something and pretend I'm high-fiving you? Awesome. :D**

**Chapter warnings: Drunkenness and a completely-honest Uryu. To be more specific, an handful of more adult references, some truly terrible flirting, and a case of TMI. Also warning for potential inaccuracies regarding the Japanese legal drinking age? For this ficlet, I'm assuming it's 18, like it is here in the UK, but I could be wrong.**

* * *

**Put the moves on**

* * *

On reflection, Orihime wondered if maybe dragging Uryu out for his eighteenth birthday hadn't been such a great idea. After a few drinks, it had become apparent that his 'leave-me-alone' nature had resulted in a remarkably low tolerance to alcohol; she herself was no heavyweight by any means, but while she was merely buzzing slightly, desensitised by the odd night out with Tatsuki, her companion was clearly affected by the substance to a significant degree.

"You know," said Uryu, leaning against the pub table and waving an half-full glass of wine around absent-mindedly as his half-focussed eyes behind askew glasses found the ceiling of the dingy room. He was clearly having trouble remembering how to speak his mother-tongue, if his slurring was anything to go by. "You're really hot. Like, _really_. If you were a fire, you wouldn't even have a colour, because you're so hot and, er, oxygen-y, that there would be a complete reaction and no residual carbon plasma to glow." He set his glass down with a thump, and the transparent liquid sloshed over the side, splashing the grimy table. "Oops."

"All right," said Orihime, taking the glass from his hand and mopping up the spilled alcohol with a paper napkin she had found in a small stack at the bar. "I think it's probably time I got you home."

Uryu's dazed expression flickered with indignation. "But... but... but... I'm supposed to be the one walking you home! What sort of man leaves a beautiful girl to walk home on her own? You could be mugged, or murdered, or..."

"That's very chivalrous of you, but Tsubaki is more than up for the job," she replied, tapping a finger against her hair clip. "Besides which, if either of us is likely to get mugged, you're probably more of a target than I am right now." She stood up, guiding Uryu by the wrist, and he promptly proceeded to trip over the table leg. She caught him before he could hit the floor. "On second thoughts, perhaps I should stay with you tonight. Yes, I'll sleep on your sofa..."

Her friend responded with an uncharacteristic non-sequitor as she helped him out through the door and into the street. "I don't want to sleep with you," he said to the floor, giving his head a slight shake as Orihime raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I _do_, but you mean so much more than that and I respect you a lot and... wait, what was I saying?"

She blinked. "Uryu Ishida, are you trying to hit on me?"

A pause.

"Yes," he said, nodding in a slow, decisive manner.

Orihime couldn't help it; she burst out laughing. "You're completely smashed," she pointed out, as he staggered slightly ahead of her, barely able to walk straight.

He turned his head and veered sideways, the sudden change of direction nearly causing him to topple over. "Yeah..." he said, smiling weakly. "And you're completely gorgeous."

"I don't believe this," Orihime murmured, fighting back a smile and hurrying to catch up with Uryu before he could trip over a paving slab and break his nose.

The walk back to Uryu's flat was largely uneventful, aside from a minor incident in which Uryu confused a squirrel for an hollow in the park and required a bit of coaxing before he deigned to dismiss his bow, but Orihime was relieved when they finally reached his flat and he was safely through the door.

"Right," she said, shutting the door behind them and taking the keys from Uryu's hand after his third failed attempt at hanging them on a hook by the door. She breezed through into the kitchen and retrieved a bucket from under the sink, before taking a plastic tumbler from the cupboard (which was, after all, probably a better idea right now than glass), filling it with water from the tap, and handing it to Uryu. "Drink this, take the bucket, and then go to bed. I'll be on the sofa if you need me."

"I'll kip on the sofa," he proposed, gazing at Orihime with unfocussed eyes as he obediently sipped his water. "I mean, a pretty girl should have the bed, even though I'd feel really uncomfortable the next day knowing you had been in it..." He finished the water and set the tumbler down on the kitchen worktop before accepting the bucket from Orihime's hands.

She shook her head. "No, you should be in your most familiar spot if you wake up in the night. I'll find some paracetamol and leave more water for when you wake up."

Uryu tilted his head slightly sideways and smiled at her, before staggering towards the bathroom. "Thank you for looking after me. Now I'm going to have a good wee and go to sleep."

Well. That was really more than Orihime needed to know.

"You do that," she said.

He stopped just before reaching the bathroom. "Still," he said, giving her one last look. "I don't want to pressure you, but if you ever do feel like giving me a kiss, I'd be totally up for it."

He shut the door, and Orihime giggled. "Yeah, I'll let you know," she called through the door, before retreating back into the kitchen to look for the painkillers she knew he would need in the morning. "But there's probably no point if you'll have forgotten about it by tomorrow," she said, quietly, knowing full well that he couldn't hear her.


	13. Enneiger

**Author's notes: You may have noticed that today's word is French. This is because this is a penalty chapter for which I decided to write whatever came up next, whatever language it was in, because I absolutely refuse to write "devirginating", which is what Wiktionary actually threw at me. (Stay classy, Wiktionary.) I suppose I could have turned it into something clever and not at all suggestive, but I thought that that level of double entendre innate in the word might still be a tad too excessive as a chapter theme, and that's not my style. :S Sorry to disappoint. I hope this ficlet makes up for it. :P**

**No warnings! This one's just fluffy and cute. :)**

* * *

_Enneiger_

* * *

It was like watching a three-year-old, Uryu thought.

Upon waking up and realising that the ground in Karakura had been coated with a good several inches of snow while he slept, he had dressed in his warmest clothes and sat patiently, waiting for Orihime to call and announce that she was coming over with sledges.

Evidently, he had underestimated her capacity for enthusiasm because she turned up without even remembering to call in advance.

_"You know me so well," _she had giggled, admiringly, when he answered the door in his insulated jacket.

And now she was trudging through a patch of mostly untouched powder in the park, leaving wonky trails of footprints behind her as she dragged her toboggan in the direction of an hill. Uryu was so enthralled by her infectious child-like excitement that he failed to register the snowball she had bent down to build until it hit him in the side of the head.

"Did you do that because you knew I wouldn't throw one back?" he asked, wiping the sludge from his glasses and freeing his gloved fingers to comb his soggy fringe out.

Orihime responded by sticking her tongue out. "You know you love me!" she called, speeding up as she skipped through the snow.

Uryu rolled his eyes. "No arguments there," he conceded, trailing after her.

After a couple of minutes, they reached the destination hill to find that they were the first ones there; the snow was pristine and perfect, untouched by a soul, and the morning sun reflected off the flakes as though the entire field had been covered with high-quality cake icing and then dusted with glitter.

"What do you say we ruin the powder snow, then? Snow angel time!" Orihime declared, dropping the toboggan string where she stood and practically dancing over to a suitable patch at the foot of the hill. She turned so she was facing Uryu, before falling backwards, arms outstretched, and landing spread-eagled in the snowdrift with a muffled _thump_. She proceeded to flail her limbs, forming the shape of an angel in the snow as she laughed, and when she was done she held out her arm above her, towards Uryu. "Help me up, please?"

Uryu smirked, remembering the snowball, and an idea came to him. "Just a sec. Don't you want me to draw your angel an halo, first?"

"Ooh, that's a really good idea!" she agreed, eagerly, as he edged around towards her head.

_Hat, check. Scarf, check. Turtleneck jumper underneath coat, check. No, this isn't too cruel._

As Orihime beamed in anticipation, Uryu dug both of his arms into the snow and tossed it over the top of her, effectively burying her in the snow. After a second, she burst out of the snow-pile, her indignant expression betrayed by a broad grin as she knelt over and began building a snowball. "Oh, it's on."

Uryu found that he couldn't stop his face from echoing her smile as he mirrored her actions and began building a snowball of his own. "Bring it."


	14. Epistolise

**Author's notes: You may have noticed that I haven't really been around much recently. This is because a good friend got me into Kingdom Hearts so I have pretty much spent the last three weeks blitzing the first game, which I completed last night. I would apologise, but I'm probably going to do it again for the remaining games until I've run out of plot to catch up on, so I'm really not sorry. :D AAAA I HAVE SO MANY THEORIES**

**Ahem.**

**This chapter is a bit of a milestone for me, actually; it marks a total of so far a quarter of a million words archived by me on this website. 250,000. I know, I can't believe it, either. I am officially on-average a quarter of the way towards being a skilled writer. Ha ha ha. :)**

**As always, I must thank you for your patience with me and the time you have given to read my shoddy ramblings. To show my gratitude, here is some crushing angst to complement Ichigo's inevitable Heroic BSOD after the events of 614 and the fact that Uryu _must_ be completely freaking out somewhere off-panel. :) *Cries***

* * *

Epistolise

* * *

_Dear Orihime,_

_You might wonder why I'm writing a letter to you now when each and every world is about to end and there is only the slimmest chance that you will ever read it. In fact, I'm almost positive that you won't, because to do so you would have to be concerned enough about me to break into my home when I have only been AWOL for a couple of hours; it's just not going to happen. The truth of the matter is that I am never going to see you again and although this letter will likely never reach you, it brings me a degree of peace of mind to think about the minuscule chance that it might._

_Orihime, you need to know how much it means to me that you have blessed me with your friendship for the last couple of years. If I'm completely honest with myself, and with you, I had been feeling unbearably lonely ever since the death of my mother when I was nine years old. After her passing, and my estrangement with my father, I had nobody. That such a wonderful person would reach out to me, as you did, is something I have been so thankful for I can't even find the words to express my gratitude. You are truly my closest friend, and if there were anybody to whom I could explain all of the reasons for my decision to leave and join forces with Yhwach, it would be you._

_Ah, I'm a liar. I couldn't even do that; the truth would break your heart. I am aware of the fact that your heart is fragile, that Ichigo has been unknowingly chipping away at it for many years. If I were the one to deal the final blow, to shatter your heart beyond repair, I would be unable to live with myself even for a matter of minutes. No, call me selfish, but _not_ being the object of your affections is a relief because that way I can be sure that I am not responsible for causing you pain. You do not deserve to be in pain, and I think it would kill me if I were to blame for any of it. Even the thought of doing anything to hurt you makes me feel physically ill._

_Oh, hell. I can't do this. And yet I must._

_The thing I wanted to say is only going to make you feel guilty, because you are so utterly kind and generous and good-hearted and far, far too full of self-doubt. Please, Orihime, read the next sentence knowing that nothing is your fault and that I don't blame you for anything and I do not want you to feel any sort of negative feelings in regards to yourself, whatever you may feel about me._

_I might have been a little bit in love with you from the very start._

_That's what it's called when you value somebody's happiness above your own, right? When you find yourself willing to throw away your own life in exchange for protecting somebody else's, because the world can live without you but would be unbearable without the presence of the other person in it? Believe me, Orihime, if there was anything I could do to ensure that you live to a ripe old age in a world you love, I'd lay down my life to give you that gift in an heartbeat. It breaks my heart to know that I can't._

_My grandfather always used to tell me that one day, I would work out what it was that I wanted to protect. Although it took me the longest time to figure out that particular puzzle, I believe that I found my answer on top of the roof of Las Noches. Just what was I so willing to die for that I didn't even think twice before I charged off to (what I thought was going to be) my death?_

_The answer is you. Somehow, it always has been._

_If a miracle happens and you somehow find this letter before the world ends, I just wanted you to know that you are the most wonderful, enchanting, incredible person I've ever known. You are beautiful, and kind, and amazing, and you are loved. More than you could ever imagine to be possible. And you deserve to know that, before The End._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Uryu Ishida._

* * *

Uryu set down his pen on the desk, taking an handkerchief from his pocket and using it to blot his tears from the piece of paper in front of him, being careful not to smudge the ink. After drying the paper, he dried his eyes, running his hand through his hair and scrabbling at his scalp as he desperately wracked his brains for a solution, ultimately coming up with nothing.

He frowned at the letter he had poured his heart into, neat trails of blue-black ink practically pulsing in anticipation alongside his elevated heartbeat. His resolve, however, abandoned him, running away in the gentle breeze. "This is stupid," he muttered, ripping the paper in half as he became aware of a slight rustling sound from his window.

"You have had your ten minutes, Your Highness. His Majesty can't wait forever, even for you. Are you ready?"

If Haschwalth had noticed a reddening of Uryu's eyes, or the ink-stains on the knuckles of his left hand, he showed no sign of it. Uryu shredded the remaining sections of paper into confetti in his shaking fingers as the inscrutable intruder stared evenly at him in expectation.

"Take me to the Emperor," he said, holding out his fist over his waste-paper bin and letting the fragments flitter from his palm.

Haschwalth nodded, ignoring the remains of the letter as they fell through the air, as though he were already aware of the contents and had decided that they were of no concern, and turned his back on Uryu in a gesture that invited him to follow. "Then let us go."


	15. Sternutation

**Author's notes: Happy Lowri Day, everybody! Have an update. ^_^**

**Many thanks to my lovely readers, reviewers, alerters, and favouriters. I haven't been around much recently, but I intend to publish a lot more in the near future. Actually, I have a small handful of half-finished one-shots for this collection, so there may be another included in this year's annual birthday spree before the day is out. If not, they'll surface soon.**

**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter; the idea of shipper!Rukia is one of my favourite things. I hope you enjoy it! :)**

* * *

_Sternutation_

* * *

It was the moment Rukia had been waiting for.

Ignoring the pain of her gigai's feet telling her that no human was meant to stand on tip-toe for so long, she stared through the pane of glass set up high in the closed classroom door and watched in eager anticipation as Uryu Ishida paced the classroom beyond, his head down.

"Why are we here?" came Ichigo's voice from beside her.

Rukia frowned, refusing to tear her eyes away from the window for even a second. "Ichigo, kneel down so I can stand on your back. My toes are killing me."

"_No_," he said, emphatically. "It's not like there's anything interesting going on in there anyway."

"He is _telling her_," Rukia squealed, careful to keep her voice down for fear that the room's occupants might be able to hear her. "Come on, don't you think it's just a _tiny_ bit of a momentous occasion when Uryu finally admits to Orihime that he's in love with her?"

Ichigo yawned audibly. "If that's the case, don't you think you should be giving them some privacy? He _did_ shut the door..."

"They are in a public place, so they can expect to be spotted, really."

"There's spotting, and then there's pressing your face against a window and hopping on the spot until your feet go numb."

"Quiet!" hissed Rukia, waving her hand to shut him up. "I think he finally got to the point!"

Rukia beamed as Uryu stood still in the classroom, his pacing ceased, and he looked towards Orihime with the most open and vulnerable expression Rukia had ever seen him wear.

_Smitten derp._

Orihime appeared to open her mouth to speak, but Rukia couldn't discern the words through the glass.

"What's she saying?"

Ichigo scratched his head. "Hell if I know. I never could lip-read."

Rukia exhaled forcefully, briefly turning to scowl at him. "I don't know why I keep you on, Ichigo. First you refuse to let me stand on you, and now you can't read Orihime's mind. You're _useless_."

He cleared his throat. "Well, maybe I don't understand her that well, but the fact that she's walking towards Uryu is a good sign, right?"

"_She is_?" exclaimed Rukia, forgetting to chastise him further in her haste to turn back to the spectacle through the window, just in time to see Orihime wrapping her arms around Uryu in an hug. His face, from what Rukia could see, radiated a strange mix of happiness and nervousness. It probably wasn't every day that he was hugged. "Aww, aren't they the cutest?"

"Adorable," Ichigo muttered, his tone exuding boredom. "Can I go, now?"

"_Hold it_," commanded Rukia, as Uryu appeared to pull away slightly from Orihime's grip and gently took her face in his hands, and her weight shifted until she was standing on tip-toes. Suddenly, his apparent nerves made sense to Rukia. "He's not... I think he's..."

She practically stopped breathing herself as she watched the distance between her friends getting smaller and smaller, the colour in their cheeks rising as they got closer, their eyes closing...

And then Orihime sneezed.

Rukia found the smile sliding from her face as Ichigo snorted with laughter. "Oh, my gosh," she said, cringing in second-hand embarrassment as Uryu's eyes flew open and Orihime jolted backwards, wearing a look of utter horror and repeatedly uttering what Rukia was certain was an apology. Orihime immediately began riffling through her pockets, and Rukia almost facepalmed as her complete dork of a friend took out an handkerchief and proceeded to rub it in the face of a very surprised Uryu, who appeared to have blue-screened if the fact that he had completely frozen in place was any indication.

"They're well-matched, aren't they?" mused Ichigo, observing as Orihime's eyes widened with shock and she slowly took the handkerchief away from Uryu's face, clearly realising that _that_ had been about the worst form of damage-control she could possibly have done.

Rukia watched in silence as Uryu and Orihime stared at each other in embarrassment for what felt like a million years, before he cracked and seemed to give a small giggle.

Uryu Ishida, of all people, was giggling. Whatever next?

The Quincy's laughter must have triggered something, because soon enough Orihime, too, collapsed into giggles, and both she and Uryu were soon shaking with mirth as they looked at each other with such amusement and joy that they could have been sharing the world's greatest joke.

And in a way, Rukia thought, it was. At least, if you could look past the excruciating awkwardness of a first kiss being ruined by an errant sneeze...

"Yep, they're perfect," she announced, nodding decisively at Ichigo and turning back to the window just in time to see a still-smirking Uryu taking hold of Orihime's shoulders.

However, at this point, Rukia found her vision being obstructed by the complete works of William Shakespeare. She cursed her gigai for its weakness, wishing she were in Soul Reaper form so that she might actually stand a chance, however small, in a fight against Ichigo and his hefty tome.

"Come on, we're going to leave them alone now."

Rukia turned to stomp on his foot despite the weak gigai, but she paused when she saw the thoughtful expression on Ichigo's face. He raised an eyebrow. "They're in a third-floor classroom and you're so short you can't see through the window without standing on tip-toe and jumping. Do you really want to explain to him how you saw?"

Ichigo was right. Of course he was. Well, she knew she could always pester Orihime for details later when she was alone and no suspicions would be aroused. "Fine," she conceded, making a mental note to never drag the party-pooper spying again.


	16. Warmth

**Author's notes: Wheeeee I wrote more! This one's a fluffy and I hope it makes you SMILE. :D**

**Warnings: NONE AT ALL it's safer than wrapping yourself in bubblewrap and sitting alone in your house with only a crisp, tissue, and coin for company. (You know you've spent far too much time on Tumblr when you find yourself thinking in SpongeBob SquarePants references.)**

* * *

_Warmth_

* * *

He would have been blind to not notice the way Orihime's shoulders were quaking with miniscule shivers. Uryu leaned back against the wall of the ramshackle shed they had found in the middle of the Seireitei and decided to occupy for the night, only to wince when the moisture trickling down the damp wall immediately seeped through the back of his now-grubby tunic, sending a shiver of cold racing down his spine.

Her eyes were closed, but he wasn't fooled for a minute; in the deafening silence of the night he could almost hear her teeth chattering as her jaw moved minutely. He considered offering her his Quincy cape for warmth, but quickly decided that it would be pointless; the thin cotton would offer little protection from the dripping wall she had propped herself against.

"Ah, Orihime?"

Orihime's eyes snapped open immediately. Of course she hadn't been sleeping. "Is it a Soul Reaper?"

Uryu shook his head. "No. I just noticed that you seem bothered by the cold."

The smile she plastered on her face in response practically glowed, but despite the warmth of her expression she only shivered harder. "No, I'm fine!"

"You're not," he stated. "Look, I know you're tired, which is why I offered to keep watch tonight. There's no point if you're just going to stay awake all night shivering."

"Then let me take the night shift!" she offered. "You sleep, and I'll keep an ear out for any visitors."

"You were yawning all afternoon."

"So were you! Just go to sleep and let me stay up, please," Orihime pouted, and Uryu noticed for the first time that her eyes were bloodshot.

"I won't accept that," he insisted, frowning. Suddenly, an idea came to him. "Come here, Orihime."

She looked at him curiously, regarding him with tired eyes as she propelled herself to her feet and made her way over until she was standing right in front of him. He unfastened his cape, and held it in one hand as he widened his arms. "You can sleep leaning against me," he offered. "We can share body heat, and that way you won't have to touch the wall. Of course, if you think it's a bad idea..."

However, before he could say anything more, Orihime had sunk to the floor and collapsed into Uryu's open arms, resting her head against his shoulder as she curled up against his side. He spread his cape around her and covered them both, offering an extra thin layer to guard against the draught.

Glancing down, Uryu noticed that Orihime's eyes were already closed.

"Thank you," he heard her murmur, and less than a minute later he felt her breaths relax into a slow, regular pattern, and tightened his grip protectively around the sleeping girl in his arms.


	17. Enciente

**Author's notes: It's been an unproductive few months for me, but I WROTE SOMETHING I DON'T HATE YAY! Ryuken isn't actually in this chapter but his presence is quite heavy in it. I enjoy writing Ryuken. :D**

**Thank you to everybody who has reviewed, favourited, and alerted. Also if you haven't done any of those but have read this far because lurkers are awesome too. :)**

* * *

_Enciente_

* * *

Uryu Ishida had never been a morning person, but although he had managed to survive twenty-four years without snapping and tearing somebody's head off, Ryuken was seriously pushing his luck.

As the infernal cacophony which was the doorbell abated, Uryu glanced anxiously at his slumbering wife, glad that Orihime had not been disturbed by the racket, before reluctantly hoisting himself out of bed, fumbling for his glasses, and tip-toeing for the landing as quietly as he possibly could, being careful to shut the bedroom door behind him.

He made his way downstairs, eventually reaching the front door and squinting through the offensively-bright sunlight to see yet another burly deliveryman standing before him, waving some sort of PDA, a gargantuan cardboard box beside him, seemingly unfazed by the appearance of a grumpy man answering the door clad solely in pyjama bottoms.

"Sign, please."

Uryu took the PDA and scrawled an half-hearted squiggle across the screen, not even bothering to attempt the Kanji. It was just too early for that.

"What is it today?" he asked, groggily, handing the PDA back and stepping aside as the deliveryman pocketed the PDA and moved to pick up the huge box.

"A giant teddy-bear, I think," the man replied, carrying the box through the door and towards the living room as Uryu rolled his eyes. "You want it with the others?"

Uryu nodded, following the deliveryman and hastily clearing some space among the assortment of boxes piled at the side of the room for the new delivery. "I wish Ryuken would stop filling our house with rubbish."

The deliveryman set down the box and smiled. "Ah, you'll be glad of it when it's born. Speaking of which, have you not started building that cot yet?" He pointed to the particularly large box he had delivered the week before.

"It's not due for another six months. There's no rush."

"Oh. I thought it was imminent, the way Dr. Ishida has been so eager to send you these things." He left the living room, and Uryu accompanied him to the front door.

"It's no doubt a jab at my organisational skills," Uryu grumped.

The deliveryman smiled again. "Or he's just excited about becoming a grandfather."

Uryu gave an humourless laugh. "Oh, you don't know him."

"Perhaps I don't, but that gear is all top-of-the-range." The deliveryman nodded. "Have a good day, Mr. Ishida."

"And the same to you."

The man waved as Uryu shut the door behind him, deciding that it was just too early to bother with anything.

He went back to bed, hoping that the deliveryman knocking the boxes around hadn't roused Orihime. His wife needed the rest even more than he did.


	18. Laconic

**Author's notes: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Necrofriggian. Happy birthday, Nec! Hope you have a great day. ^_^**

**I would like to apologise for my recent inactivity. I've spent the last couple of months busy with work (think six-day weeks in the run-up to Christmas) so that has taken nearly all of my spoons and I've barely been able to bring myself to write anything. I'm currently enjoying my first proper week off since August (I had a week off in October but it was terrible and it doesn't count) so I'm getting my crap together and writing a bit. I have an IshiHime prompt I received back in October that I need to get around to, actually...**

**Anyway, I hope you've all had a good Christmas! :)**

* * *

_Laconic_

* * *

Orihime stared at the grubby classroom floor, tracing the swirls of the grain with her eyes. It was funny how much more unforgiving the solid wooden planks looked with the knowledge that she was soon to be falling towards them.

Trust falls. Orihime had always been able to tell that Miss Ochi just didn't particularly care, but this sealed the deal. What sort of idea was it to let a room full of devil-may-care teenagers do _trust exercises_?

Right on cue, there was a small yelp from behind her and she spun around to see Tatsuki on the floor, her snarl flaring up with all the ferocity of a particularly un-cuddly piranha. "Ichigo, you idiot!" Orihime winced as Tatsuki leapt to her feet and swung her satchel by the handle, smacking Ichigo in the face. "What are you playing at?"

"I got distracted!" Ichigo protested, attempting to dodge a second blow. "I'm sorry, Tatsuki! Ouch!"

Orihime suddenly found herself glad that Miss Ochi hadn't paired her with Ichigo; falling into his arms certainly wasn't worth the risk of hitting the floor.

"Are you ready, Orihime?"

A quiet voice dragged her from the distraction of her friend pummelling Ichigo, and she turned to see her partner, Uryu Ishida, standing behind her, his arms out slightly in front of him as though he had no idea what he should be doing with them. "It's just that I've already fallen, so it's your turn."

That was right! Orihime beamed as she remembered how she had held her friend up, proud that she had easily been able to halt his descent, and glad that he had appeared to have no qualms whatsoever in trusting that she would catch him. He had absolute faith in her, and that meant a lot.

Her attention was briefly drawn back to the squabbling Tatsuki and Ichigo, and Orihime tilted her head up so far back she could see just Uryu's head upside-down. "If I fall now, do you promise to catch me?"

His breathing slowed, and he stretched out his arms, readying his posture. Orihime caught a glimpse of his eyes before returning her head to its normal position, and she could tell that he was thinking exactly what she was: it wouldn't be the first time he had saved her, and he seemed perfectly happy to do it again. More to the point, she was utterly content to let him.

"Yes."

Without another word, Orihime fell.


End file.
